My unworthiness.

Sitting here at my desk, having worked this week at preparing my Sunday Morning message, I'm reflecting on the quality of my work, yes I have spent 5 years of full-time Theological study, I had brilliant proffesors at the Baptist Theological college of Southern Africa and before that at Johannesburg Bible Institute, I have been constantly preparing and preaching messages for a number of years, mostly six messages a week sometimes more and lately a lot less. I have a reasonable library of books behind me, some pretty "heavy-weight" ones at that, I still have my mind, and a half-decent one in working condition, not as good as it once was, but sharp enough, I have been in Pastral ministry for most of the last 20 years, I have read the Scriptures countless times, and yet, why is it that I am so disturbed, so uneasy everytime I finish my preparation?

I think because I come under conviction that at the end of everything, if it is all "boiled down" I am just a common garden variety of sinner at heart, Yes I have my faith in Christ, but I have absolutely no faith in myself whatsoever, I know myself as well as I want to, and know my deep inner untrustworthines, my inner wreck of a thought-life, a mind so easily distracted by the things and ways of the world, I am weary of myself, of failing the Lord all the time, failing my Wife and family, failing the Church, failing myself.
The marvel is that He has chosen to use such a frail vessal in His service, that astonishes me everyday of my life, His grace to me, a totally undeserving sinner.

A Pastor's Heartache

One of the aspects of ministry that the pastor finds so difficult to deal with is the constant, if not steady flow of visitors to churches. I call them "spiritual hitch-hikers" people who attend for a few weeks, sometimes even months but dont make any effort despite invitations to make a commitment to becoming involved in serving. 

Low and behold seemingly at the smallest imagined provocation these people disappear, What is the problem, do some Christians really believe they can faithfully serve the Lord but never "put down roots" in any local church?

How have preachers failed? Is it in fact the fault of Biblical preaching that this problem has gone on for so long, it is no longer happening "under the radar" but is an open secret. try challenging these poor hitch-hikers and you will never see them again, it shows that they have no interest in coming under Church discipline nor do they understand the level of protection and support the local Church can give them, and indeed earnestly desires to do so. The problem here is very difficult for the Pastor to deal with, other than challenging and inviting, begging and pleading, there is nothing else to be done. Yes of course prayer is the first recourse and  also the final recourse of the pastor

There is also another problem in the Church that the pastor must however take full responsibility for, and that is  for the "spiritual hijacker", wolves in sheep's clothing, men who will have every appearance of orthodoxy, be fairly knowledgeable of Scripture, but have a hidden agenda. 

In my native country the "high-jacking" of vehicles is tragically a  very common activity and one that often comes with fatal violence inflicted on the victim. The "spiritual high-jacker" does not realize that the results of his 

attempt to overthrow the existing Pastoral team cause spiritual injuries that are no less hurtful and devastating to the Sheep at a local Church. 

We Pastor's have been warned in many places in Scripture to be on the lookout for these people, yet when it happens we are sometimes taken by surprise, I know something like this has happened to me and it still smarts. I thought I would be able to spot such a destructive influence a mile away. Indeed I have been able to spot a number of such people and take appropriate action, but on the one occasion I let my guard down, because I wanted to believe the best of the man and I wanted the best for the Church that was under my care. Well it just goes to show, that old adage of "no good deed goes unpunished"

The Spiritual hitch-hiker's injury to the Church is like that of heart-disease, it is a silent killer, slowly choking many small congregations to death, some are already on deaths door, but do not yet know it. This injury is a slow killer, the lack of commitment, and spiritual apathy has been slowly creeping its way in the front door, and almost imperceptibly exercising its strangle hold on the life of the Church at large.

   

The Spiritual high-jacker's injury to the Church is a lot less subtle, he is a wolf, wolves don't wait for their food to die of natural cause before they eat, they need to kill, destroy, they need to make their victim too weakened to resist the injury about to be inflicted. The wolf might wait patiently for a convenient time for himself to strike, and that will be as brutally quick as he can possible make it be. Strike he will, he has his own agenda.